How to be more attractive (and more fuckable)

And it has almost nothing to do with how you look.

We all want to be hotter, right? More fuckable? It's something I hear day in, day out.

DMs asking how to be more attractive and clients in session asking how to make themselves more desirable to potential partners. TikTok tutorials about how to be the hottest version of yourself and how to channel your divine feminine.

Writing this wasn't on my radar for yonks, because I firmly believe that sexy is a state of mind. And our perpetual quest to make ourselves more attractive is influenced by the capitalist, white supremacist society we live in, which imbues us with an inherent sense of shame about being sexual while equally selling sex and invasive treatments and enhancements to make us more desirable.

Anyway.

I've finally caved and compiled some tips on how you can be more fuckable. And spoiler: it doesn't involve doing 75 Hard or nearly keeling over in the gym every day. Or anything about how you look, really.

Be generous in spirit

You don't have to be out here paying it forward every time you grab a coffee or pay for everything every time you go out with friends or your partner. Listen to what I'm saying here: generous of spirit. Giving someone the time of day or smiling at a stranger. On that note, don't be a tightass, it's repulsive and something people remember. Be generous with your time, affection, and attention. Be super present with people when you're talking to them.

And don't you dare give, only to pout and moan about how "no one ever does X for me".

Reciprocity is an incredible thing and you'd be surprised how people match your energy when you lead with generosity.

There's one thing as unattractive as being a tight ass: it's being a martyr. If you're going to end up bubbling with resentment because you feel like you give and never get, please stop giving to others and instead give yourself some self-care. It'll prevent a lot of hurt feelings and tension down the line.

Give for the sake of giving, not because you're expecting to get something in return.

Put in some effort

Those of you in a long-term relationship, pay extra attention here. Effort should not wane as the years go on. Remember how much intentional effort and planning went into early-stage dating?

Resurrect that energy and see what happens.

Invest effort into gift giving and planning special occasions like birthdays and Christmas. Help decorate. Put some thought into your gifts. Take ten minutes to write a meaningful card. And no, they don't have to cost a dime before you come at me with "but I can't afford X." Irrelevant. You can afford thought and effort.

Manage your stress

Unfortunately, modern life is incredibly fucking stressful.

However, it is our responsibility to find outlets for our stress and create rituals around processing it. Go for a walk, lift weights, have a maz, read a book, shake your ass in your lounge room, whatever type of self-care you need to avoid losing your shit and help you feel present with your people.

Also, make time for your hobbies, people! Enjoyment for enjoyment's sake! Not everything needs to be productive and efficient.

Before you hit me with "but I'm too busy for that" I literally implore you to make time. Give up a night of TV each week. Heaven forbid, reduce your doom scroll time. Anything! Otherwise, the people closest to you will wear your stress.

And that ain't hot.

Look after your body

Your body carries you through every single thrilling and agonising and kinda bizarre experience we have as humans. The big stuff, the daily stuff. Give it some TLC. Build caring for your bod into your daily rhythm.

Move your body in a way that feels good for you. Movement is an incredible way to get out of your head and into your body! Hydrate, moisturise, brush your teeth, FLOSS, eat vegetables, give your lil tootsies a massage, wear clothes you feel like a fucking smokeshow in on a Wednesday, because why the fuck not.

Nurture and seduce yourself and see how magnetic you become.

Learn about sex

I think all of us want to be with lovers who are both confident and capable in the bedroom. Right? Able to read our body language, they're communicative, present, and can discern clitoris from left labia. All the important stuff.

Taking it upon yourself to learn about sex, desire, and bodies is an investment in your erotic life. Our pleasure potential is literally infinite, which gives me goosebumps as I write this. You are capable of mind-melting pleasure, which is reason enough to learn more!

Also, what you learn about sex pays dividends beyond the boudoir. It sounds naff, but I always tell my clients "skills for sex, skills for life". Things like learning to be in your body. To communicate clearly. To ask for what you want. To process your emotions. To regulate your nervous system.

Fancy more thoughts like this?

If you've made it this far, I reckon we'd get along. Every couple of weeks, I send out Deep(er) Sex, an email for curious (and sometimes perverted) humans. Expect stories, how-tos, some cussing, recommendations for things I'm loving, far too many tangents, and whatever else I feel you might like.

Chuck your details below and I'll see you inside your inbox.